TITLE: Water Stimuli Test

APPARATUS:

- one (1) subject
- one (1) water projection vessel
- 50 mL tap water

METHOD:

Using a ballistic trajectory, the subject is introduced to the tap water by compression of the handle on the water projection vessel (colloquial ref. "water bottle" or "water sprayer" or "cat sprayer") from across the laboratory (colloquial ref. "the living room") such that the water strikes the subject in the anterior and posterior regions with expected collateral strike zones of "the computer" and "the painting on the wall". For maintenance of statistical accuracy the subject must be unaware of strike timing or existence of experiment itself.

HYPOTHESIS:

The experimenter hypothesizes that upon introduction of the tap water to their immediate locale (colloquial ref. "hair" and "sweater") the subject will react positively and with a general atmosphere of admiration of the experimenter's highly-developed "sense of humour" and adolescent "fun" while embracing the opportunity to participate in the experiment and further the expansion of scientific knowledge in the community as a whole.

RESULT:

Subject NOT enthusiastic. Water propulsion vessel will require repair. Experimenter will require repair.

CONCLUSION:

The experimenter is required to "make coffee" for the subject to prevent further deleterious results being effected upon their immediate locale (colloquial ref. "manhood" and "current lack of seriously embarrassing stories having been published on my blog which could easily be posted and read by thousands, guy"). RESULTS DO NOT ALIGN WITH HYPOTHESIS - BETTER ANALYSIS OF POTENTIAL OUTCOMES REQUIRED BEFORE RE-ATTEMPTING.